hotmtlnovel Chapter 521: Collecting Doom
Chapter 521: Collecting Doom
Summer’s end traditionally came with the scent of cinnamon.Strudels, crumbles, tarts and more filled the ovens of the Royal Villa, the kitchen staff fanning the gentle fragrance towards my bedroom as they fought desperately against the maids to ensure my slumber remained as deep as possible.
There was certainly no lack of ingredients.
Swaying to the first winds of autumn, the ripened apples continually fell into the waiting baskets below. Once they began to overflow, they were gathered by the squires needing something to do.
Or more recently, a gluttonous horse who worked to inconvenience them as much as possible.
Just not today.
Today, Apple wasn’t teaching the squires that they served horses and not the other way around.
He was instead tucked away in his stables, making friends with the other horses even as they implored him to tidy his mane.
Even so, few of the squires were there to take advantage of his absence.
Kaapprroow!
They were busy hiding as lightning split the horizon.
The sudden clap revealed the dark clouds above the Royal Villa, accompanied by the rumbling of thunder, the drumming of rain and the groaning of branches. The patrolling knights, ever steadfast in their duties, fought against the gale even as their umbrellas and waxed hairlines swayed.
Indeed, little of the last days of summer could be seen.
Autumn had arrived early instead.
Or rather, what autumn might resemble in the imagination of a particularly errant necromancer. For while the golden season normally brought about the first hints of storms, this was something else.
A darkness had settled upon the horizon, casting a shadow upon the Royal Villa.
And the reason … was that.
Hisssssssssssssssssssssssssss.
I stared at the passageway to the royal vault.
Not the royal vault itself. Not even the door to the royal vault. But the bit leading up to it. A long and ominous corridor without even a potted fern for the guests to steal.
Instead, there were only portraits of my grandmother … and while her brows were excellent at warding away any would-be intruders, her frown was currently unneeded.
… Or at least so long as a mysterious purple miasma was wafting through the corridor.
I turned to find Coppelia, Miriam and a tiny celestial lion waiting behind me.
“This is fine!” I said with a bright smile.
My loyal retainers stared at me. And then at the mysterious purple thing.
“Mmh~ we’re doomed.”
“100% doomed.”
“Mreow.”
Doing away with optimism, each of them nodded … even the magical holy cat, yawning while held aloft in Miriam’s hands.
“R-Really! We’re hardly doomed,” I said while shooing away a few strands of the miasma trying to wrap itself around me. “Compared to whatever’s coming from my father’s camembert cellar, this is nothing!”
“The camembert is a 9/10 on the doom scale,” replied Coppelia with a look of approval. “But this is an 11/10. That’s amazing. I didn’t even know omens of doom went that high! The big guy was right. This kingdom really is doomed.”
“I agree,” added Miriam, warily poking a purple strand with the holy cat’s paw. “I’ve often shared my crypts with dark and nameless entities, but this is on quite another level.”
“Great, huh? It’s basically less a malignant aura and more an evil slurry at this point. We should bottle it up and sell it to the goblins. They’ll pay loads.”
“I feel that’s overly optimistic. Should this miasma congeal further, there’s little telling what might occur. I wouldn’t be surprised if a death revenant takes shape any moment now. Or worse.”
“That just means a job offer. My tower has a fruit slime as the final boss, but I definitely need more disposable minions. A super powerful death revenant nobody can control is exactly the kind of popular attraction all the dumb humans will want to defeat.”
“Really? … Because I believe a powerful monster would have the opposite effect. I suppose that ideally, we could use it to ward away things that are only a 10/10 on the doom scale. If we survive. Which I don’t think we will.”
As my retainers discussed practical uses for whatever world ending threat that only had a very high chance of being born, I leaned forwards and blew away a few strands of evil.
I watched as they drifted back, now slightly more insistent.
“Hmm … it really does look somewhat more sinister than yesterday, doesn’t it?”
Indeed, while I was still confident all was well, there was no denying the … thing was thickening.
As were the clouds above the Royal Villa. And only the Royal Villa.
Although our return from the Summer Solstice Festival had been marked by ample sunshine, the balmy afternoons had swiftly been replaced by increasing amounts of poor weather until nothing but darkness could be seen. At least until one walked slightly away.
This was a problem.
Why, people would think we were somehow responsible!
“Yep, it’s even started making groaning noises,” said Coppelia like a proud matron. “I’m really impressed! It takes looooads of curses for that to happen. I didn’t know your family were such big collectors of things nobody sane would touch.”
“Well, it isn’t on purpose! We toss anything cursed into the vault for safe storage. It’s hardly our fault if guests are terrible at giving gifts. Plus there are the spoils from the Royal Institute of Mages, trinkets from various hoodlums and all the toiletries from the hells.”
“That’s even more amazing. When the big guy said there were 1,258 prophecies of doom, I didn’t expect all of them to be the cursed junk you keep under your bed.”
“Please. They’re not kept under my bed. As you can see from the way the darkness is struggling to strangle us, all the cursed items are safely stored away.”
“I mean, I think this is about as safe as a witch’s cabinet. Powerful curses do weird things to each other. The only reason you don’t hear about it more is because most people will just toss anything evil into the nearest field so that it becomes a farmer’s problem.”
“That’s exactly why we don’t allow it to happen. Littering cursed objects is a problem. You saw it yourself when that adventurer put on a talking goblin crown. Speaking of which, I’m almost certain I can hear it.”
“... Fools! I can taste my vengeance! The shackles that bind me are loosening! Soon I will call upon the darkness, and all shall tremble and weep as I usher in a new goblin age upon you all! …”
A moment of silence passed.
“I believe that’s a problem,” said Miriam helpfully.
“Yeah.” Coppelia nodded. “The guy has no idea the goblins have already started without him.”
“Mreow.”
The tiny celestial lion lazily batted away another strand of evil miasma.
That was good.
After all, if the thing seeping out of the royal vault decided to take on a more menacing appearance, it’d need to sacrifice itself for the princess good. It certainly needed to earn its keep. Despite its denials, I had no doubt that the number of goldfish in our ponds had decreased since it arrived.
Still, that wasn’t the reason I was looking at it so dubiously.
“Miriam, is that not, well … discomforting?”
“Hm?”
“The celestial lion should be emitting a holy aura. Is it not awkward to hold it?”
Miriam blinked.
“Oh, no it doesn’t.”
I let out a groan.
“Ugh. Was I truly conned into accepting a fake celestial lion? Is that why it doesn’t ward away my tutors?”
“Um, while I can’t speak in regards to others, I don’t believe its holy aura is absent. I can feel a very slight tingling. I think it’s just actively directing it away from me.”
“Well, I’m glad it’s at least able to judge you correctly. While it seems incapable of sensing the evil in anyone wielding a textbook as a weapon, it’s only natural that it should see your pure heart.”
“Yes … despite the fact I’m a creature of darkness and an abomination in the eyes of the heavens, it seems to view me with no concern whatsoever. In fact, it causes a fuss when I don’t make myself available for playtime at least five times a day.”
The holy cat licked its paws, then Miriam’s hands.
She looked a little uncertain as she lifted the creature of pure goodness–save for the missing goldfish I intended to seek compensation from the heavens for.
“... Recently, I’ve been thinking about Master Harkus’s words,” said Miriam, her voice slightly glum. “Although I’ve never concerned myself with acting like a vampire, I cannot help but wonder if perhaps … there’s a minimum standard I should be adhering to? The maids often feed me as though I am a small animal, and the pigeons sometimes attack me if I fly too close to their nests.”
Coppelia and I looked at each other.
“I think you’re a wonderful vampire,” I declared at once, both hands to my chest.
“Yeah,” said Coppelia with a nod. “Out of the five vampires I know, you’re like the sixth most evil.”
“Your wings are very frightening as well. When in the dark and easily mistaken for a large moth, you cause helpless innocents to flee for their lives.”
“I can hear the screams from miles away. That’s something not anyone can do. Plus you caused your own master to be vaporised by the sun. That’s pretty much the most vampire-like thing you can do.”
Miriam brightened up a bit.
Still, it was clear from the way she straightened herself that she wished to look slightly more imposing. Something slightly undone by the pink cotton pyjamas that the maids had ceased trying to take away from her.
However, as her eyes turned towards the miasma seeping from the royal vault, it was clear she knew that when it came to darkening the corridors, she was currently outmatched.
“... Thank you. Your words are very reassuring. I also believe Shortbread is focusing his attention on the cursed miasma trying to spill out and engulf the Royal Villa. Even so, I’m not certain if it’s enough.”
“It’s definitely not,” said Coppelia cheerfully. “Unless we have a bunch more tiny celestial lions, I’m pretty sure it’s too late for us all. This mass is so thick it’ll corrupt anything the Holy Church sends at it. Want to ask anyway to see what happens?”
I shook my head.
“A waste of time. As the Holy Church is already corrupt, this will have no effect.”
“Oh okay. Are we running away then?”
“–If we are, I have a nice crypt I can take us to.”
“Please. We’re not running away. This is the Royal Villa. That means this is where we run towards. Unless there’s a peasant rebellion, of course. But as long as the mysterious ooze doesn’t start wielding pitchforks, we’ve no need to consider escape. Rather, I’ve a much better idea!”
Miriam tilted her head slightly. She looked slightly concerned.
“Your Highness … are you considering poking the evil miasma?”
“Well, I suppose I could. But I see no reason to destroy it with my healing touch. After all, there’s a simpler and far better solution for 1,258 cursed objects which are at imminent risk of causing a kingdom-wide calamity.”
“Really? What is that?”
I raised a hand to my lips, barely covering my smile.
Just like that, I could feel the clouds begin to part … even if for some reason the corridor only became slightly darker.
“Ohohoho … why, I intend to make a charitable donation.”