Genshin Impact: My roommate and I became funny Hilichurls

Page 23

Zhang Chu made a gesture resembling social death.

"It cracked on the spot!"

Gu Qian summarized honestly.

The four men let out another sinister "kukuku" laugh, and the lanterns in Wanmintang suddenly started moving without any wind, scaring Guoba into hiding under the stove.

Bright buried her face in her hands: "Paimon, we really don't know them..."

Paimon was stuffing almond tofu into his mouth: "Mmm... wait until I finish this last meal before I'm executed..."

Just then, a deep, resonant bell rang out from the distant Jade Capital Terrace.

The four Hilichurls stood up in unison, the Rat Talismans in their hands gleaming with a dangerous light.

"Operation code name—" Qingyu solemnly announced.

"Give retired seniors a little shock!"

The four high-fived and cheered, startling Xingqiu, who had just entered, so much so that he plopped down into the fish tank by the door.

"Hahaha! Xingqiu, how could you be so careless!"

Hu Tao laughed so hard her pigtails swayed, and reached out to scoop Xing Qiu, who was soaking wet, out of the fish tank.

The young swordsman's clothes were still dripping wet, making him look like a drowned rat.

"Who would have thought that I would feel a bone-chilling cold as soon as I came in."

Xingqiu twisted his sleeves and glanced helplessly at the four Hilichurls in the corner.

"My legs went weak and I..."

Chongyun, munching on an ice pop, leaned closer, his icy blue pupils gleaming slightly: "There is indeed a chill in the air, but it doesn't seem like something evil..."

His gaze was fixed on the group of four when the popsicle suddenly snapped in two with a "crack".

"It's unheard of for a soul from another world to be able to suppress the erosion of a Hilichurl's body."

Hu Tao pulled out an abacus from somewhere and started clicking away: "Based on the experience of the Hall of Rebirth, an ordinary soul possessing a Hilichurl will only last for the time it takes for an incense stick to burn..."

"Hey! Hu Tao! Xing Qiu! Chong Yun!"

Xiangling rushed over like a gust of wind.

"You've come too!"

Looking at the packed Wanmintang restaurant, Xingqiu asked in surprise, "Xiangling? Isn't this the busiest time of day, during mealtimes?"

"Thanks to the kitchenware they gave me!"

Xiangling excitedly pointed to the kitchen—where she saw an automatic vegetable cutter, a flame-breathing wok, and spice bottles that seemed to have grown legs and were running around on their own.

The most amazing thing was the steamer, which was actually tap-dancing as it steamed out.

Hu Tao's eyes twitched as she looked on: "This...this really isn't sorcery?"

"I only need to cook a dish once, and they will perfectly mimic my cooking experience, increasing efficiency by three times!"

Xiangling proudly puffed out her chest.

"Qingyu said that if you cook too much stuff in that wok, it might explode..."

No sooner had he finished speaking than a loud "bang" came from the kitchen, and a hole appeared in the ceiling.

The four Hilichurls simultaneously gave a thumbs-up: "Normal!"

Chongyun silently pulled out a stack of talismans: "I think I need to perform an exorcism ritual..."

"Ah! I'd like to try Xiangling's new dishes!"

Hu Tao suddenly wailed, then cautiously added.

"Except for slime gel! That 'refreshing fried slime' last time gave me nightmares for three days straight!"

Xiangling scratched her head sheepishly: "Um... today's special dish is 'Spicy Dragon Lion's Head Meatballs,' made with powder ground from Dvalin scales..."

The four Hilichurls suddenly spat out their tea.

Qingyu's mask cracked open: "Wait! Those scales are from..."

A loud bang suddenly came from the Jade Capital Terrace in the distance, and a golden pillar of light shot into the sky, signaling the start of the ritual to invite the immortals.

The four of them stood up with a "whoosh," the rat talisman in their hands gleaming with a dangerous light.

"It's about to begin!"

Er Kang exclaimed excitedly.

Zhang Chu looked at Hu Tao and her group and reminded them, "Friendly reminder..."

He suddenly pulled out a riot shield.

"I suggest you retreat to a distance of 300 meters."

Walnut's plum-blossom eyes lit up instantly: "The latest coffins from Wangshengtang are 20% off! Pre-order now and get a free gift..."

Before she could finish speaking, Xingqiu and Chongyun grabbed her from both sides and dragged her outside.

Xiangling stood there, holding the rice crust, stunned: "My kitchen..."

"Never mind the kitchen!"

Ying appeared out of nowhere, grabbed Xiangling, and rushed outside.

"Those four idiots are going to ruin the Rock King Emperor's plan!"

Xiangling was full of questions.

------

"The emperor has been assassinated! Lock down the whole place!"

Ningguang's voice echoed throughout Yujingtai, but the scene fell into an eerie silence.

Hu Tao's plum-blossom eyes widened in surprise, and the pamphlets for the Hall of Rebirth in her hand scattered all over the ground with a "clatter"; Xing Qiu's sword fell to the ground with a "clang"; and the popsicle in Chong Yun's mouth slid directly into his collar.

An exclamation mark appeared above Ying's head: "This is not the script we agreed on!"

"Morax—!"

Little Ruo Tuo suddenly burst into a deafening wail, his two short legs flailing like a windmill as he crashed headfirst into the dragon's "corpse."

She pounded the dragon scales with her little fists, shouting, "You can't die—!"

"Emergency! Quick, emergency!"

Gu Qian lunged forward and began performing CPR on the dragon—but his technique was so rough that the scales on the dragon's belly were pressed so hard they made a "crackling" sound.

"Get out of the way!"

Qingyu and Erkang rushed over carrying a syringe as thick as a telephone pole, and with a "plop" they stuck it into the dragon's buttocks.

The moment the needle entered, Zhang Chu swiftly poured an entire bottle of seven-colored potion into the dragon's mouth, and casually tossed in the rat talisman as if it were a candy.

During the three seconds of breathless waiting, only Xiao Ruotuo's sobs echoed.

The dragon's golden eyes suddenly lit up, more dazzling than a searchlight.

"What the hell are you guys doing?!"

The deafening roar of the dragon overturned half of the tiles on the Jade Capital Terrace.

With a sweep of its tail, the dragon sent four Hilichurls flying like cannonballs, leaving four large "T"-shaped craters on the distant city wall.

The crowd stared in disbelief at the enraged dragon: a giant syringe was stuck in its rear end, colorful bubbles were bubbling from its mouth, and a snot bubble from Little Ruotu was stuck to the tip of its tail.

"Ouch! Who poured chili powder into my mouth?!"

The dragon suddenly clutched its belly with its claws, its face contorted into an emoji.

"And this syringe!"

It quickly stretched out its paw and pulled the syringe out.

Zhongli slapped his forehead.

His meticulously planned retirement drama turned into an absurd comedy within the first three minutes.

Worse still, he clearly saw the four men prying him out from the crack in the wall and stealthily making their way toward him.

The documents in Gan Yu's hands scattered on the ground: "So, so now..."

"The Emperor didn't die?"

One of the Thousand Rock soldiers instinctively tried to speak, but was immediately covered up by his colleague.

Little Ruoduo burst into laughter through his tears, leaping up and hooking himself onto the dragon's neck: "Morax is the best!"

It almost strangled the newly "resurrected" old dragon to death a second time.

Chapter 24 Morax

"How do you feel, old man?"

Qingyu wore his mask askew and sat opposite Zhongli with his legs crossed.

The entire restaurant, Sanwanbuguogang, was down to just their table – the waiter had rushed off so fast that he hadn't even had time to clear the teapot off the table.

Zhongli took a sip of tea gracefully.

"Well done, in general terms."

A question mark appeared on Er Kang's mask.

"Grandpa, aren't you angry? We've been pushing your retirement plans..."

"I am merely a guest retainer of the Hall of Rebirth."

Zhong Li's lips curled into a subtle smile, the teacup obscuring his upturned lip line.

"What does the matter of the Rock King Emperor have to do with me?"

The four masks all turned towards Yujingtai—where chaos was raging:

"The Demon God War is over? Ruoduo, what happened to you? Wait! What are you doing?!"